My Mother's Story

I had a friend in high school who got pregnant our junior year. She didn’t believe in abortion, so she didn’t even consider it. She had a boy, and in several ways, he saved her life. That baby gave her a reason to be the best she could be. I’m so happy that she got to have this miraculous, life-changing experience.

That’s the common story. Let me tell you the story rarely told, my mother’s story.

My mother did not raise a child in poverty with an abusive alcoholic or with no one at all. She was not on welfare, living in a trailer down the road from her parents. Instead, my mom went to college, got a job, and lived a life she was proud of. I had two parents, both of whom had time to help me with my homework. I went to college. My kids will probably get to go to college. I’m here today because my mother did have an abortion. She waited 10 years until she was ready to have and support children. She waited until one day she could ask her daughter if I think she made the right decision. I love my life. I love that my mom got to live her life. I love that life that my children could now live. I love the decision my mother made.

Try These on for Size: Different Perspective on Rape Prevention Tips

Rape Prevention Tips

• If you see someone walking alone at night, leave her alone.
• Don't drug people's drinks.
• If a woman is dressed beautifully/provacatively, try talking to her politely. Do not rape her. If you think you might rape her, hand her a phone and tell her to dial 9-1-1.
• Always carry a rape whistle. Hand it to a person you think you might rape, and let her use it to call for help.
• Always travel with a buddy at night. If you think you might rape someone, warn your buddy and ask them to stop you.
• Remember, if someone is alone in a vulnerable place (e.g. an elevator, a laundry room, etc.), do NOT molest her.
• If you stop to help someone with car trouble, remind yourself not to rape her.
• Know other-defense. If you think you might rape someone, punch yourself in the nose or groin. 

Don't Blame the Victim

It's not their fault

We've all seen the "rape prevention" tips they give to young women. However, these tips limit the behaviors and freedoms of the victims, without addressing the attacker's behavior. Imagine a world where would-be attackers followed the tips above; rape might actually be prevented. In such a world, would-be victims would not believe that (or be treated like) they were attacked because they were walking alone, or they didn't have mace, or were dressed to provocatively, or because they trusted a friend that they shouldn't have. Everyone should have the freedoms to dress how they want, walk where they want, trust friends and lovers, and not be constantly afraid. It is not their fault. 

*These are not real rape prevention tips. Most perpetrators of rape are someone the victim trusted, usually a romantic partner, ex-romantic partner, or close friend, not strangers. The "rape prevention" tips we're all used to are designed to prevent rape committed by strangers, which only makes up 2% of rape cases.